If I could have anything in the world right now, it would be you. And I am pretty sure you know that. You have me wrapped wildly around your fingers and you and playing me like a puppet. This ‘break’ were taking scares the shit out of me, and confuses me. I don’t get you at all. You send so many mixed signals to me that lead me to believe you but then the next second its something different… I already had trust issues before I met you and you aren’t making it any easier to believe you. I want so bad to believe what you are saying is real but your actions speak something different. You have me an emotional wreck and I wish you could see that. There are days that I sit awake and wonder if you are feeling this deep hurt, deep inside your chest. I feel it every day and it is honestly the worst pain I have ever felt. It is a different kind of pain not like a scrape or needle poke; no it is an uncontrollable throbbing pain that has no medication to subside it.

The thing that probably bugs me the most is that it wasn’t even that long of time we spent together yet it hurts like it was. Some days; I wish there was an off switch to the pain and emotions I get. I wish I was just numb to it all-that’s how bad it hurts me. People say I will be fine, and just to give it time. But when you know deep down something and someone is trying to tell you something different, you don’t even comprehend others words.  This shit blows. And it could be a simple fix, but I can’t make you feel something you don’t. I wonder how you feel about this, I wish I knew. I wish I could be a fly on your wall or invisible some days just so I can see the REAL you. Not the “you” that you half-ass-edly give me.

I just don’t understand you. Normally by now I would have already given up but there’s just something about you that I have grown attached to. I don’t want to say love, yet I feel like I’m fighting it. Because so many times before I thought I was and I wasn’t, but with you I see a whole new concept. I cant ever get enough of you, and you drive me wild. I just wish you felt the same about me. Any maybe you do, but you are just too scared to show it.  I wish you could just let go, and dive into this head first and at least TRY it out. I know this could be great, actually scratch that it could be amazing. I’m just waiting for you.  Since I cant say any of this to your face, I had to write it down. Maybe one day you’ll come across this and realize. <3